The Blasphemy in My Head

Quick confession.

My theology is not perfect.

Even if I was writing down the things that I know that I should believe, I would come up short in places.

That doesn’t come anywhere close to the pure blasphemy that I allow to rattle around in my head from time to time.

There are the things that we say that we believe, there are the things that we actually believe, and there are the things that the adversary occasionally whispers in our ears that we allow ourselves to believe for a fleeting moment.

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I was pretty low earlier this morning and I let one of those demon’s whispers catch ahold of me for a little while. I don’t believe what I was told, but it suited my sulking to run with it for a few minutes.

I might just be showing off how weak I am, but I would imagine that these episodes are more common than we would like to admit.

All of that being said, I would like to open up some conversation.

What lies do we allow in our headspace?

What “divine weapons” have you wielded to fend off these spiritual attacks?

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63 thoughts on “The Blasphemy in My Head

  1. I think your article raises two different issues: (1) what is belief and why do we believe things? (2) how do we defend ourselves against evil thoughts?

    I will comment here on (2). For me the evil thoughts usually occur at night at bedtime when I’m alone with my thoughts. It’s usually a spiritual attack which brings to mind some past event when someone wronged me or I wronged someone else. Then, if I allow the attack to continue, I begin to fantasize about what I might have done differently or what I would love to do in the future, including in some cases an act of revenge. This whole matter can burn a lot of time and never accomplishes anything good.

    I have found that praying, particularly God’s Word, asking God to silence the accusations, is very effective.

    • It is amazing the degree to which scripture directly answers most of the little lies that we allow in our heads. I was throwing a little pity party for myself this morning, and let some pretty nasty things leak out, but the words skin followed and corrected… “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses” and “In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood”. My little sufferings are nothing compared to the one who suffered for me.

      I can identify with this late night grumbling as well, and if not dealt with, they have actually led to some pretty nasty dreams.

      Good insights.

  2. So last night, a friend of mine made a comment as we discussed “the church”. She made a comment about how she made her peace with church a long time ago with their failures and the rest she has grace for. She’s also very connected to her church, talks about how much she loves it, and seems to be genuinely happy with her place there. I’m not sure how a person is supposed to take a comment like that, but I took it as “She thinks that my complaints about church are trivial and that I lack grace”. It bothered me A LOT that she thought this of me because she reads my blog and has spoken to me, yet she still didn’t understand the tremendous pain the IC has caused me. It literally ruined my morning thinking about it because isn’t this what most people assume? Then a bunch of other thoughts ran me over about how I’m just a loner, no one likes me, ect. Yeah, real fun. I’m still kind of mad about it. I always think when people say things like this, there must be some nugget of truth in it or why would I react to it?

    I don’t know that I handled it correctly–I didn’t pray or read the Bible or whatever. I just talked to my husband and another friend who seems to understand the hardship of it (and she’s still in the church). She said “Maybe you just haven’t found a loving church that really loves”. My husband agreed that she didn’t really get me or is disconnected from the reality of the hurts the church has caused. I guess it just bothers me because I genuinely feel like something is wrong with me because I can’t fit in, be one of them, and I feel lonely in my endeavors to follow Christ. anyway, I don’t really have anything helpful to add, just that I let these things bother me too. And I’m still pissed off by that comment lol.

    • That’s just the thing, there is a nugget of truth to it. As much smack as I talk about the IC there is still a part of me that is drawn there because that’s where most of God’s people are trapped. I want to be in a community of believers, and that is the easiest way to jump into one, whether it’s false and shallow or not.

      I try not to take too much of that personally because I think that until you see it, there is a complete blindness to it… it’s night and day.

      There are things that we will never understand until we have to understand them. I think this is one of those cases.

      • Yes I agree. There is a part of me that feels like a failure for not “fitting in” but then I think of all the other garbage and I’m like “of course not. It’s borderline idolatry!” Yep. It’s a good thing I don’t but sometimes a lonely thing too.

    • Elle, I’ve been pondering your comment all day because your friend’s words disturbed me, too. At what point does the phrase, “I have grace for the rest” simply become a way of keeping ourselves safe and insulated from the pain of others. In my experience, invoking “grace” like this is actually a nice way of refusing to acknowledge the fact that there is anything wrong at all. Most of us know deep down that to speak out about abuse or injustice in the church is to invite anger and rejection, so most of us are unwilling to pay the price for rocking the boat. It seems to me that resorting to vague christianise terms like “grace” is a way to shame others for voicing their concern while avoiding trouble for ourselves 😦

      • Yes it bothered me too! To the point where I couldn’t sleep. Plus I’m a person that is introspective so I see if their is truth in things and I kept wondering if I didn’t have enough grace. I finally decided yesterday that she was so far removed from abuse in churches–her church is apparently wonderful and she is in a leadership capacity rubbing elbows with the pastor so she has a say in a lot of things at her church. She doesn’t get it. She lives in her make believe land of fluffy Christianity and avoids the real suffering that most of us have gone through. It reminded me of church cliques. I mentioned one time the church I was at had a clique and a lady said “no i don’t think so” and I replied “if you don’t notice the cliques, it’s probably because you are in one”. People see what they want to see.

        • Yes, Elle, it’s an utterly “make believe” world. There’s hardly a better way to put it for those environmentally poisoned and blindly intoxicated from drinking from her golden cup. As mountain climbers know, breathing air with little oxygen in it affects our judgement, it can potentially kill us before we even know we’re dead.

          Breathing any sort of toxic air at any level can derange and suffocate us just the same. I sincerely believe it is impossible to think and feel outside the Church when one is still inside her. That is why it is so so critical for the members of Christ to be absolutely obedient to God and get the Hell out of the Prison [φυλακή of Rev 18:2] of Babylon.

          Our obedience to Him is a spiritual and ekklesial matter of life or death, of thinking and feeling with the mind and heart of Christ versus that of the deceiving and destroying Whore, who in most cases has taken the name Church for her body.

          • Then it’s almost as if you can’t have relationships with people in the church which bothers me. It feels as if I’m being judgmental or making an assessment that they aren’t Christians. Or in the least I’m saying they are toxic as well. And that’s sad. Who do I fellowship with then? This is the struggle I have. If there is no good in the church, then how can I fulfill the command to meet with others when I only know people who go to church? It frustrates me deeply.

          • Elle, I believe you’ve asked the question we’re all seeking an answer for. How do we come together “outside the camp” to find and give the love and the joy and comfort and encouragement of the Spirit of Christ to each other? How do we work together as His Body to will and to do those things that enable us to bear true and righteous fruit for the beauty and glory of God? We desperately need each other. Especially as we see the Day of the LORD approaching.

            Here’s my translation of our Scripture speaking to the necessity of our coming together in Christ:

            “And let us discern clearly how to stimulate one another to love and good works, not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging and comforting one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near” (Hebrews 10:24-25).

            I have mostly if not all Christian friends, none of whom go to Church. We’re all suffering, though, from not coming together in Christ like we need to. Hate to speak for them, but I believe this is our reality. We need good teaching, and there are few good teachers. We need to rejoice together, even if it’s just to sing praises to His Holy Name—sans all the other traditional church stuff like sermons and liturgy that inhibit, if not altogether shuts down, the conversations the ekklesia of God needs to have to be a proper and healthy expression of Biblical fellowship.

            Personally, I feel as if God has provided for me the social-spiritual needs for me at this stage of my journey. Manna and quail in the wilderness sort of thing right now as I’ve isolated myself much from others in order to do some research and writing that may provide some Biblical education that, I trust, will help us all to clearly discern the life and death differences that separate the faithful Bride of Christ from the idolatrous Whore of Babylon—i.e.,the Roman Catholic Church, the Presbyterian, Methodist, Assemblies of God, Calvary Chapel, the Independent Fundamentalist Churches, and so forth….

            That’s my work. Pray for me, friends. Most church folk don’t know of the lies the spirit of error and antichrist has placed into our English Bible translations. I’m certain, absolutely confident, that the LORD is calling his people to come out of the antichristian churches that teach and practice a false spiritual authority over the people of God and, by that, a false gospel that places the saints into bondage to the Church and the powers of darkness.

            After it is written and posted online I want to go out and be quite intentional about finding God’s people, and being corporately led by the SPIRIT wherever His pleasure takes us.

            I think that’s our answer, Elle. Petitioning the Most High God with our requests for proper fellowship and then being led by the Spirit into whatever strange land he has for us. And—along the Way—sharing our discoveries with others, so they too can be set free and filled with the power of LIFE we absolutely can not have in the Whore.

            Those are my thoughts, off hand, at the moment. I’m watching Cycling. So much to watch today. World Tour race in Montreal on my screen right now with over 100 kilometer to go—such joy. It’s the last day for the Tour of Spain and Tour of Britain too, so I’ll watch their final stages in their entirety later. I was content just watching my races and chatting with cycling friends today online. However, Dallas just now called and wanted to get together like we did last week.

            Interacting with the “Little One.” Drinking Belgian Beer. Grilling some food and eating together. Sitting around the fire talking about God and talking to Him, agreeing with one another in our thoughts and prayers. Lovely and beautiful stuff like that. That’s “Church” for me, sis. And I’m game, I’m in, cycling pales in comparison to Life Together with my true spiritual family. [Hate to say a near swear word there. Fyi, Dallas and I had a running joke for a bit as we were transitioning between the word church to ekklesia to refer to God’s sanctified people. We had, not a “curse jar” but a “church jar” where we’d have to (we pretended this) drop a dollar in the church jar, ostensibly for the “Beer” portion of our “Beer and Bible Studies.”]

            I’m off to the showers. Maybe LivLim has some thoughts on fellowship “outside the camp”?

          • I’m glad you’ve found fellowship and have those connections. Honestly, I don’t need much. I’m an introvert and being around others exhausts me, but I do need something. There are bible studies I could attend but they are all in a church building led by those in the church. Maybe it’s hard for me to throw the baby out with the bath water. I came out of the church. There’s good in me because Christ loves me. He loves those in the church too. I hate feeling the division.

            But you are right. I feel it’s hard because of the deception. So I will keep clinging to Christ. I will pray for his fellowship. I will thank him in the hard times, that he uses these things for good. I hope you enjoy your time. Thank you for taking the time to comment.

          • His grace is sufficient. But I am otherwise suffering from proper fellowship, myself. Didn’t want to suggest that my lack of it was all good with me. I know I’m on the path, as I shared with one of my friends the other day, and I am walking forward in obedience. That’s all I need to do. He’s faithful. Be faithful. We will find no enduring city here.

            And I too LOVE and have a DEEP compassion for our brother and sisters in unfaithful, unsound bodies. Thank you back, Elle. Isn’t it great that we have our home in Him? Now I’m crying. I’m such a baby. Good conversation here.

          • You are not a baby. You are passionate. And I agree! I think this world is just a reminder of what is passing away. We cannot hope in it. We cannot even hope in people or fellowship. It is Christ alone that saves us from our sins, from the world that is decaying.

          • Yes. Thank you. I’m a deeply caring and sensitive man. Would come to tears often when I’d “preach” a message. Just the sort of creature I am.

          • I was thinking, Elle, have “church” come to you. That’s what I do. I hold a weekly Bible Study for some men in my home. We’re led and taught by the Spirit through His Word and by each other. So too do you have the indwelling Holy Spirit as your, as their, as our teacher.

            So Yes—the very One who inspired the writing of Holy Scriptures enlightens us to Its meaning in our readings of It.

            Maybe have some of your interested girlfriends come over for fellowship and then be led in Christ from there.

            We’re reading through ACTS at the moment, and we’ve covered a lot of ground so far throughout the OT and NT. And there’s been times we haven’t even open the B-I-B-L-E.

            Where any two or more are gathered in His Name—there exists a unique expression of the Body of Christ.

          • I’m going to be completely honest–I have “friends” but they are not close friends. My closest friend lives 30 minutes from me. Her husband blogs and comments here sometimes (bryn – The Christian Cynic). Anyway, I have concluded in some ways that I’m not “friend” material. I am kind and respectful to most people, but I’m not outgoing or extroverted and when I do speak up, people label me as “difficult”. I made friends in our last church — 35 minutes away as well — and although I care about them, it’s hard to maintain a relationship with any of them anymore. It’s superficial at best. I have friends through the homeschool community, but really there isn’t anything of substance there either. I feel like my entire life has been closed doors. My entire family wrote me off because of a big conflict we had when my mom died and now they refuse to speak to me, even though I apologized and confronted them on the pain they caused me but I’ve come to realize they are adult bullies and not at all healthy people to be around. Anyway, in a nutshell, besides my husband and kids, I don’t have a lot of interactions with others. I am fairly isolated and the only way I could step out is to attend a church bible study or possibly find something on meetup or something. I feel like I’ve kind of given up. Me and people don’t mix well, although I wish I did.

          • I understand. For my own health I have had to separate myself from a sick family. It’s sad, but I’m healthier for it. And good godly friends are few and far between. Sounds goofy to say, but I’m best friends with several others largely because, as they say, I’m their only friend. Most men, I believe, live in isolation (this goes for those within the church too, although most my friends do come from churches I once was apart of… we all left the church and remained connected).

            God has wonderfully blessed me with Dallas. He’s been an enormous blessing and source of encouragement to me in my present and ongoing spiritual battle against the priests of the Whore of Babylon. The rest have abandoned me. Not understanding. I do not take my relationships for granted. Especially the understanding I receive from men like Asher and Dallas. I may not be rich with material things, but I am rich beyond measure with a few beautiful brothers and sisters in Christ who happen also to be my good friends and blessed spiritual family.

          • That’s all you really need. 1-2 people who contribute to your life by caring about your soul and encouraging you in your faith. That’s beautiful really. And it is a real blessing to have such friends in your midst. I know what you mean about men. They don’t really like to try to develop friendships, especially as they get older. My husband is this way. That’s why it is very hard to walk away from the church where it would be easier for him to make a friend or have someone speak into his life. Unfortunately, he hasn’t had great experiences with that either. Men in churches are often very prideful and so it becomes a comparison trap. While women compare how they raise kids and their looks, men compare their jobs and wealth. And for my husband, it’s a big issue that I have to remind him to avoid. I wish that Christians talked instead about Christ, not their jobs and cars and houses. But why not compare your relationships with Christ? I mean that in a good way–not a works based “look what I did” way. Compare and see where you need to grow. Women do the same things unfortunately, but they boast about how smart their kids are or how someone said they looked pretty. It’s so stupid and petty and I get tired of that stuff. I want to grow in the Lord, not in human standards of beauty and success. Anyway, I don’t think the church holds the answers on fellowship either. Christ does though and I will just keep leaning on him for those answers.

          • The way I look at it, it doesn’t have to be any different than if you were just going to a different church. It doesn’t have to be the central issue of a relationship, and it shouldn’t be. That is kind of the point… the church likes to make everything about the church. Unless these people are if the kind that would insist on you being a part of their church of st the very least their denomination, I don’t see how it would have to be any different than if you just went to a different church.

        • “if you don’t notice the cliques, it’s probably because you are in one”

          That’s truth! And anyway, to invalidate another person’s perspective just because you don’t see it that way yourself, is terribly immature.

          • Yeah, she didn’t appreciate my feedback, but it was the truth.I also said it to the assistant pastor who kept saying it was my fault for not being friendly. OK! So he didn’t like my mouth, I guess. Well, truth hurts.

          • This happened to me today actually with my sister. She’s upset at me for something I consider ridiculous and we’ve been emailing back and forth. I’ve tried to answer calmly but she’s really rude and has made some mean comments. I feel like i’ve stayed respectful. So I told her today she villianizes me to make a point and she turned it around and said I insulted her. No proof. I had my husband look over our emails and he couldn’t tell where the accusation came from. Hector projector!

          • Yuck, that sounds so familiar. It’s like wrestling with an eel – it’s so slippery, and you never know which way it’s going to wiggle or turn. Sadly, it seems there are just some people you can’t have an honest conversation with 😦

          • Yes I agree. I chose not to respond. It seems like when I do, the accusations fly. I don’t like leaving things unsettled but seems like she just enjoys the negative back and forth. No thanks!

  3. Here’s the first verse that comes into my head on this note, from the ESV:

    “For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ, being ready to punish every disobedience, when your obedience is complete” (2 Cor 10:3-6).

    I believe the knowledge of God we have in relationship with Him empowers us with all the spiritual armoring and divine weaponry we need to put down the many voices and schemes of the Adversary.

    I suggest we wield this knowledge of the truth as the word of our testimony alloyed with the Sword of the Spirit, even becoming weapons of light in the LORD’s hand against the dark spiritual powers that would want to deceive and destroy us.

    God’s Word. Conversation with friends, like this. Prayer.

    Personally I’ve gone to God several times today to talk to Him, to work out my thoughts, to get advice, comfort, understanding, direction. I’m so glad to have Him, the Body of Christ, and His Word that lights our way like a flaming sword blazing through the heart of darkness.

    Bless you, Dallas.

    • this verse you’ve referenced reminds me how we’re smack dab in the middle of a spiritual WAR. So there’s opportunities for obtaining some fairly profound victories in moments like this, for ourselves and others, and against the powers of darkness, in the wielding of our authority in Christ.

    • I think that you know that I’m not a memorization guy, maybe I should be, but by familiarizing myself with and studying the scriptures over years… and I’m sure Spiritual intercession… it is amazing how often the truth of scripture will come to mind to do battle with the lies that we entertain. I may not always be ready to hear them, but they are often circulating in my head until I am.

  4. What lies do we allow in our headspace?

    I do know my headspace still has them. It would be a lie to think otherwise. I won’t wittingly allow them, not for a moment, at least I haven’t since my early twenties, but they still do work their magic on me at an unconscious level. I can say this reflecting upon the most recently uncovered lies that I had entertained from childhood—concerning the nature of spiritual authority and the proper way of coming together in Christ, the two big ones.

    Now how did these lies get recognized for what they were? In conversation with others concerning the knowledge of God’s Word.

    So, really, it’s in the sharpening of my irons with others that I find the weakness in my thinking. Dialogue with fellow believers wherein the Spirit teaches.

    • Good question,Dallas. You know all too well the thoughts that run amok in my head, but we are called to take captive every one! Test it to the word. This implies that we know the word well, are in it, studying it. I never used to understand why people would suggest we memorize scripture. This is one of many reasons. I have much to learn and hopefully memorize-I readily admit!We should have scripture buried in our hearts and minds to bless and guard us. This is why I am adamant that every night we read the bible to our daughter. I hope to store scripture in her heart where it wasn’t in mine as a child.It is ABSOLUTELY a spiritual battle, all out warfare, no trick too cheap by that adversary, the great temptor and accuser. Be ready and alert, on guard. Encourage others too do the same. Determine your values and be values DRIVEN. Have that anchor so when times are stormy, i(we) can remind ourselves of what is true. For instance, because we value communication, and to align that with proverbs to not let the sun set on ones anger (to permit a foothold), I refused to let you go to bed angry last night. Easier? Of course it would have been. But the value guided me, us, so i(we) could focus, direct us to solid ground..and it did! You know all too well my strength and weakness is my passion about much that I do, but then how easily I forget my own thoughts, my mind becomes entangled in 10 other books and projects, motherhood/work/marriage/ insecurities from the past still affecting present thought therefore behavior. This is one of the reasons I’m trying(!!) to get rid of clutter, books, music, and entertainment that don’t align with scripture, don’t fill me with love, faith, hope. It’s a constant work in progress! We all will be a work in progress until the day we die, God willing. May God increasingly let us shine His ligjht to a dark world in need of truth and love, grace, hope, and faith in action.

      • As far as memorization goes, I think that it just depends on how your brain is wired. I feel like I have bathed in scripture in such a way that it is hidden within me when I need it, even if it isn’t really quotable. I get the point though.

        I appreciate your partnership in the walk we have together, even if I don’t always show it in the moment. You know my hypocrisy better than anyone, so you know what I’m dealing with.

        • For my project I’m using all my own Scripture translations. This work has helped me break free of the hypnotic iambic pentameter thought structure of the versions I grew up memorizing. The music was good for retaining the language, for later contemplation and such, but sometimes they just existed for me as words.

          So this idea of internalizing His Word in our hearts allows all of us in Christ to express the Oracles of God in our own words, and lives, and loves, you know what I mean?

          Good words you two!

        • and the stories.. getting the words of the spirit and life stories into us.. that’s what i believe will most empower us.. getting read to and coming to know how the Master of the Universe Rules!!

  5. I think there is much value in knowing specific scripture, yes, knowing the person and ethos of Jesus, Yahweh, but also specific scripture for their is much power in the word. How easily I forget so many things, but some things come as second nature-like tying my shoe, brushing my teeth, I’d love to see scripture rattle off like that. Paraphrase or not, having it stored, as a treasure, for future reflection, future battle. It’s a constant, daily struggle. I agree with Dallas and that I really would like to let go of the disdain of the church. Growing up Catholic, veering to atheism, Buddhism, the occult and then finally back to a relationship with a risen God, man made religion felt like a prison, a box that didn’t fit. And yet..I LOVE the lord, and it’s full of a broken people, just like me, who also desire to know God. Love the lord, fear Him, obey His commandments, love others, be His hands and feet. Hard to serve others the way we were intended when we are out if fellowship. One may argue we can serve online in written word, and there is truth in that, but I can’t help but wonder what else lies out there. I know the need is plenty but the harvesters are few.

    • not a face to face thing where the pastor in the pulpit on center stage is the face that everyone faces.. i know what the back of Dal and Mo’s head looks like—burned into my memory—for having sat behind them in church week after week.. so i’m not personally hungering after that type of assembling ourselves together.. don’t want no sermon neither.. donuts yes.. but no pastor heading our affairs.. that’s for damn sure.. just want my people, some music, food.. please pass back over the communion wine sort of thing.. you know..

          • Love the vedder reference, monax, I used to be all into that scene!
            I agree that real fellowship is often found in relationship, but may I point out that we met you in a traditional church. Praise God that all things work for good for those that love Him and are called to His purpose, but we met in church. CHURCH. There are others out there-just like us. Others in church wondering “is there something more?” How do you meet others when you isolate yourself? With ALL of the church’s many flaws, I still MISS worship/fellowship like the desert misses the rain..I can’t say I miss sermons bc thank God I can get that online via podcasts. I used to weep at not having fellowship, being alone through so much of it. God did NOT create us to go alone, way back to Genesis!! Absolutely wonderful you guys have it. Im happy for you all to have that outlet. Simultaneously Selfishly and not so selfishly-what if it’s not about you? How can you say to the hand or to the eye that it’s not needed? All the members of christ’s body are needed. Together. Not forsaking the assembling. Striving forward. I agree that a lot of stuff that goes on is bs, but be the difference maker! Advocate for change. Find others like you. They are out there. I both love and hate the Internet bc it provides sounding boards, yes, but meanwhile we could have a neighbor who feels the same way or who is in need, and meanwhile we are huddled over our iPhones. Well, maybe that’s just me 😜
            Finding likeminded believers in Christ and developing that discipline-discipline to not only come together and have a nice time, but also to pray and read the scripture. Marmota-I don’t have that. It’s quite different for mothers today, especially mothers who work full time. I get what the earlier comments about grace in the church meant, but it’s still needed. Grace. Forgiveness. Discernment. I used to pray to be as wise as a serpent but as gentle as a dove. Boy, did God open my eyes, and I now know why Solomon wrote that with much knowledge comes much sorrow. It can weigh heavy. But I don’t believe Jesus called us to be unaware. So..even paradoxically while feeling sorrow, He is able to lift our burdens and turn our sorrow into rejoicing. Allowing us to see to bless others. But where to begin? I repeat-the harvest is plenty, but the laborers are few. There is much work to be done!

          • well put, Mo.. you describe our present predicament perfectly.. how do we find each other and come together with others in Christ who likewise desire to be faithful in our fellowship and good works.. according to His expressed will for His Bride??

            Trust and Obey.. these are the dual keys for us.. trust that as we obey the directive God has given us.. that is: to leave the institutional church.. that He will answer our prayers and give us the community He has for us.. in His timing.. as we walk through our present wilderness.. in faithful obedience toward the Ekklesia He has for us that can only be found “outside the camp”.. But first we must step outside the mind of the Whore to even begin to be free of her lying magic.. of her charms and poisons.. I really want you to know the difference..

            God’s expressed will for His people is to come out of the rebellious and idolatrous church systems that have trapped so so many of our beautiful brothers and sisters in Christ!

            Education is key.. I’m working diligently toward that end.. so all of us who have been deceived might see clearly, by the unadulterated Word of God, the difference between these two Women..

            toward understanding what I’m getting, Mo, please read my last three posts at Spiritual Authority.. they’ll take some time to read, but it’s showing my work, grounding biblically many of the things I’ve stated throughout the years.. which, of course, runs counter to the groupthink of the institutional church..

            believe it or not. there is a perfect expression of ekklesia.. of being the Ekklesia of God.. i’ve experienced it in action.. and Yes, no matter how imperfect she is.. the church exists as the Whore of Babylon.. the woman Scripture has called us to “come out of”.. lest we get sick and get punished along with her..

          • i’ve noticed how powerful and pervasive her magic is on so many who haven’t even gone to church for decades.. but still are in possession of her mindset.. the mind of the Whore.. they still believe her lies about having to tithe and attend church, for instance.. and they become burdened with guilt from thinking (as they’ve been taught) that they’ve backslidden.. for having “left the church” and therefore they have “left God”.. but that’s all wicked deception.. for she’s a deceitful sorceress the Church..

          • Mo..don’t know if i’ve shared with you the etymology of the word CHURCH.. but it’s a diabolical misnomer, and, in fact, does refer to the WHORE.. so, in other words of truth, we met in the whore.. before we knew better, of course.. =]

            now why is E3 to be considered a whore body?? the biggest reason was for our “Pastor” making himself the head of operations.. so made for himself something other than a true and faithful expression of the Body of Christ.. it was not a healthy place for anyone..

          • David, looking back on it, I think that one of the reasons that E3 helped me out the door of the church altogether is because of all the churches we have visited since it was the least whitish, but everything that we were working toward in “planting a church” was in the interest of making it moreso.

            I remember that other church that we stumbled into where they are unknowingly talking about us… how church plants often fail due to relational strife. In fact what really happens is that for a church to grow relationship must be sacrificed. You have described Eric as a brother who you agreed with more than most any you have ever met, so what put that relationship to death, but the church.

  6. I understand how you feel, even if I somewhat disagree. I want fellowship,but I’m actually ok with hearing a sermon. For me, it depends on what is being preached -if it’s bible based. so many churches are either gimmicky (think:smoke machines!), too self help-y, stodgy, unfriendly, or sacrificing the truth. Last church we attended references rob bell and I never went back.

    Yes to oct 2nd. Let’s find out for sure re Asher and let me know 🙂

  7. Dallas, after a lifetime in the church (IC), I have come to the sad (some might say, blasphemous!) conclusion that a lot of the “demon’s whispers” I’ve had to contend with in my life were actually teachings and/or unspoken rules I’d imbibed from the IC culture itself.

    I had learned that I wasn’t ‘good’ enough, I didn’t follow the rules properly, I thought and said things that weren’t permissible… It all added up to the ‘fact’ that I was not acceptable. So all the bible reading and prayers in the world were not going to help me, because no matter what the words said, I ‘knew’ how unloveable I was. I’d learned that lesson well. And I’d been shown unambiguously that the only way to be acceptable was to perform, and submit, and be the ‘good girl’ they’d demanded I should be.

    And I know this will ‘prove’ to some how far beyond the pale I am, but I found my “divine weapons” in a (secular!) psychologist’s office. Having been driven to a breakdown by those ‘good’, ‘acceptable’ christians, I had nowhere else to turn. But there, in that safe and totally accepting space, God met me, and showed me that I was fully valid, fully acceptable, fully loved. And it was there I found tools (‘weapons’, if you will) to keep living loved and free.

    So when the voices start and the thoughts accuse, I know how to stop and find the ‘me’ who *knows* she is absolutely and unconditionally loved by God. And that ‘me’ can choose whether she needs to make some changes, or whether in fact, she needs to jettison the accusations and simply revel in the love of her Father.

    • And sometimes a good counselor is what’s needed. Jesus understands that! He is the mighty counselor. The prince of peace.
      I’ve spent many years on and off in counseling. It’s okay to seek help. Everyone struggles with one thing or another. It’s sad when the church, a place that supposed to be a haven, becomes a den of robbers,in this world, you will have trouble! Take heart! I have overcome the world!
      May we all make daily decisions to fill our minds with things that will lift our eyes to Him, focus on the beautiful and lovely and anything worthwhile. As believers, we have the power of the Holy Spirit to do far beyond what we ever imagined. I believe God wants so much more for us! He gives us all unique talents and gifting to use, to bless others. Hard to have that servant attitude when we aren’t, well, serving. Of course, we can serve wherever whenever-starting in our homes, our streets, our neighborhoods, cities..but much like geese who travel further being in the v formation, we also need that to keep speed, make distance, accomplish far more than we could imagine. I get that the structure of church is less than appealing and the systems are flawed, but ALL human systems are flawed. Only one was perfect-Christ Jesus.

    • One of the more confusing things about the church made me think of this verse,

      “So, if a man who is uncircumcised keeps the precepts of the law, will not his uncircumcision be regarded as circumcision?”

      Take out the concept of law and circumcision, and it just brings me to mind of the things that we would expect of God’s people and what actually happens. We have also been told that the world would know us by how we love one another. When we go in expecting love, grace and acceptance, and are instead confronted with hate, judgement and territorial behavior is it so surprising that people doubt our savior, is it really surprising that people will avoid us and jump on ship with groups that they see these qualities from.

      All that being said, God intended for us to grow and mature within a loving community and environment, if the church refuses to supply that, I don’t even any problem with us finding that environment elsewhere.

  8. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places.

    Seems you’ve attracted the attention of Uncle Screwtape. It’s good to know the armor you wear is sound.

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